Untilted - v 1.0

Ok, I actually have no clue on how to start this one… this is one big time ‘am growing up’ post and is going to be horribly boring…

This may I will turn 23… yes, I have been in this world for 22 long years and I …am…looking back … like every other creature I had (have) dreams, aspirations… now I look back to all of it, yes I remember them…

I remember it so well… class 3, history lesson about king Ashoka and about his dreams and aspirations to conquer every other place possible and that’s when we were asked this epic question… ‘What is your AIM in your life’ , and there were ~58 students in that class , of that nearly 25 of them wanted to be doctors, 15 of them wanted to be engineers , few pilots, many wanted to be Sachin Tendulkar and I wanted to be a Teacher, yes you read that right.. and my class teacher was mightily impressed (why wouldn’t she be) appreciated that I had such a noble (ermmm)aimbition and asked all the other students to applaud for my answer … that exact moment , yes that very moment I decided that I will become a teacher someday…

Bloody hell.. a group of people clapping for you can change your life SO much… freaky

And from that day this was my standard answer to anyone who asked me this -So, what after studies, Me: teaching

So from the time I was a 8 yr old till I was 22 all I dreamt was that I will be a teacher someday… did not bother to study mathematics so I would not be diverted to do engineering (that was a lie, I suck at maths ) … did a under-grad, joined post-grad in the same field ( knowing fully well that I won’t get a job, and even if I manage to get one the pay won’t be great) but still I had decided I would not work till am done with my doctorate… fuck yes, I was THAT ambitious, I was not a topper but made sure I got my concepts and basics right… took every seminar very seriously , I wanted to be a model teacher someday… and my seminars reflected the dream inside me, I have never failed to score full marks in my seminars…

And then PG got over… this idiot who wanted to study and do her doctorate , who should have applied for it either here in India or Abroad all of a sudden wanted to **earn**, trust me the joy of being employed and making your own money is blissful, there isn’t another equivalent to it…

You very well know that your parents are ready to spend for your education , but still, when 75 % of your friends start earning, start spending with their own money, it isn’t easy for you to study … at least for me, I found it irksome to sit at home and prepare for any other entrance test, to write SOP’s and all that jazz…  and the aftermath of this I am now employed… slogging all I can to make my own money…

Might be very exaggerating while you read but to have not succeeded in what I envisaged , dreamt all day and night, moulded myself for ~ 14 yrs was(is) not very easy… and yes I do know that I can still do it, but that’s not the point… for some point I always thought I ll never ever do anything else except what I dreamt, but I have now learnt that life doesn’t work that way…

You dream, you aspire, you envisage , you mould and finally you give-up, adapt, get accustomed … your needs and wants become your priorities, your dream takes a back seat…

Right now though am happy about work and the money, still there is something missing,  I have this feeling of ‘what am I doing here?’ and I do know that I am not here to do what am doing right now…  but still… I have to, I want to…and therefore I do

P.S : if you managed to read this fully, please suggest a suitable title…